Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
I've been thinking a lot lately. But before I tell you what exactly, I'll fill you in on a little of my history. I started purging when my dysfunctional family moved across states in the middle of high school. I was alone and depressed. As time went on, it got worse, but never to the point of severe bulimia. One day I purged up blood and scared myself so badly I vowed to never purge again. So as an ex not-quite-bulimic, I started working out intensely. Then, after a while, I started to fast, eat smaller and smaller portions, and continue working out. I lost more weight than I ever had, which wasn't much by many standards but it was some. My body couldn't take my flirting with anorexia and I starting passing out more frequently. One day I fainted in my shower and woke up five minutes later with a cut on my hand that I must've sliced on the shower metal as I fell. I was completely horrified. So I lightened up on my strict rules and slowly got myself back to a fairly normal eating pattern.
Until recently those two episodes of irregular eating had been my only. I have been dancing between "almost-bulmia" and "almost-anorexia" for the past 6 months. More recently even, I made it half way through the ABC diet and lost 19.3 lbs. I was so, so tired. And this is what I have been thinking about. I was miserable, though it was purely divine to lose all that weight. I had dark circles, bags under my eyes. My hands shook and turned blue. This is not living. I was not living. I have decided, now, as I have gained over half of that weight back, that I will eat healthily. I will not starve myself, I will not binge, I will not purge. I will simply eat very, very healthily. I am vegetarian so meat does not appeal to me. I will not eat sweets, breads, fatty foods, no junk food, no empty carbs. But I will eat. And I will continue to work out and exercise, just not to the point of exhaustion. I do not want to be miserable. I do not want to scare myself as I drop the lbs. I do not want to continue this chain of strange, horrible eating patterns. I do not want to develop something more severe.
I have realized it is all in the mind. It is all in how we perceive things, isn't it? I am just lucky enough that I have gotten myself to this stage where I can say, I want to be thin, yes, I want to be thin so badly, but I want to be healthy while I do it. As obvious as this sounds, health is actually more important than thinness.
I hope at least some of you are closer to understanding and achieving a similar, healthier mindset now that I have shared my thoughts with you. Or, of course, the Super Skinny Me documentary may be able to shed a little more light than any of my chaotic, boring ramblings were able to.
So here's to my new goal. Healthy and happy, lean and fit, and in control.
Love always, Belle
Posted by Sarah at 5:10 PM
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Not much to say other than sorry for the lack of substance! But really, check out my fashion blog The Naturale, it's not quite like any other. Fashion illustration, designers, outfits, runway music, mood boards, new brands, shoes, bags, clothes, shops, cosmetics, interior design, it's got a bit of everything. No worries, I promise I'll keep postin' thinness here for all of you wonderful followers!
(google, flickr, tfs)
Posted by Sarah at 7:02 PM
Friday, July 24, 2009
Well it is starting to pay off. All of my hard work is finally starting to budge the weight. Sorry about the long absence... I really don't have an excuse for you except that I have been updating my fashion blog more often now. I had really been wanting to get that one rolling since The Thin Daily already has more than twice as many posts. But even as I continue to focus on The Naturale I will aim to post thinspo everyday. So that's the long and short of it. Here's todays. Hope all of you lovelies are doing well!
(VS, fashiongonerogue, zanita, people.com)
Posted by Sarah at 7:41 AM
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Legitimate reason for not posting for a while: I got my wisdom teeth out, 3 of which were impacted. Damn it hurt. I was tripped up on these high dose prescribed pain meds and basically slept most of the time for about 5 days. A week later and I'm finally feeling well enough to eat solid foods. Hoorah. Not that it matters much since I don't even want to eat. I DONT WANT TO KNOW how many disgusting pounds I gained from those 5 days. Days of eating yogurt and *how dare I!* ice cream. Not just some either, I ate ice cream as my meals. Gross. Thankfully I'm feeling almost 100% better and I can restart the abc diet. Only problem, I'm going to visit my best friend in another state... and she's the only one who knows about my past with ana/mia. As of the past 2 years, I've told her I'm "better," whatever that means. And she believes me, so long as she gets to occasionally ask what I've eaten for the day. Thus when I go to stay with her, it will be nearly impossible to lie about what I'm eating. So I'll eat healthy. And then the moment I get on that plane headed back home, I start the abc. I need to be THIN for college. I will. Stay strong lovelies.
And thanks to those of you who commented on the last post! I decided I'll try to make them longer posts but it sounds like the majority of you just want me to actually post, period. I'll try to update while visiting my friend. Thanks for following my blog! Peace, love, skinny.
Posted by Sarah at 7:27 PM